my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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