I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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