Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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