hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
