Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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