alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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