Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
handjob tips. give me some.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
