I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
