I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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