If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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