dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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