I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
tell me about the eggs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
