i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
