Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
