You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
