marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
