can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
