When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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