i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
