perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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