Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
