hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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