Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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