i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
