My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
