Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
