capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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