I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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