Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
