I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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