I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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