did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
