I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So vagazzling was a success
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