I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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