woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
