If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
