dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
