Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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