her vagine was all disorganized.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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