I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
