It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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