can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
