I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
