I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
