we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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