Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
