some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
