I want to have your abortion
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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