my vag is so smooth its legendary
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
