What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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