Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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