i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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