260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
