I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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