Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize