Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
