at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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