I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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