Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My pussy is not your playground.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
