Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
