can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
