Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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