haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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