you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
