Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
