I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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