it was like eating out sand paper
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
