I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
