I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
